- She went to Kalamazoo with her pet hamster and lost one wheel of her unicycle there.
- Now, Uber shows surge pricing. ‘He is not worth surge pricing.’ I swear I heard her.
- Gingham, Juno, Ludwig, and Crema are not working for her anymore. They are her Instagram filters.
- She is hosting an all-exes party tonight. You are not invited this year. Wait for the next.
- Her boss asked her out. She is taking her out for sushi.
- She was trying her hand at Arra t? Mbushura me Fik but they turned out to be Tav? me Presh ska Mish. Go figure.
- She could not find nachos with extra amplified manly crunch and orange pixie dust anywhere in the ultra-macho counters of Malemart. Heartbroken, she dropped her dates. I heard the walnuts fall too.
- She loves Dua Lipa and swears by her New Rules.
She can’t come to meet you but she sent you her kisses, warmly wrapped in fresh vine leaves stuffed with herbs and Albanian seasonings.
Are you sipping on Sangria or Mai Tais for your Valentine’s Day? While you are at it, clap for this piece. I mean, really.
Your dentist will be happy.
And try making Arra t? Mbushura me Fik.